Happy Gotcha Day

September 13, 2023September 14, 2023 / Leaves, Loaves, and Life / 1 Comment

What are you doing this evening?

Today one year ago is a day I will never forget. It was a day my husband and I waited for and waited for. Prior to that day we had tried for 12 years to have a child. There were so many ups and downs and emotional setbacks that went along with this. Here is part of our story.

My husband and I went through several tests and visits with a fertility specialist. When we received some of the results the fertility specialist told us if we were planning to have a child we needed to do it now. We were told we would probably have the best outcome with IVF.

The doctor talked about the IVF process. He mentioned they would probably need to implant at least 4 embryos in order for at least one to stick and develop. Then he mentioned the chance of twins or multiples. My palms started to sweat. I started rocking back and forth in the chair and of course I had all types of thoughts racing through my mind. I was not comfortable with the thought of more than one child at a time. My husband actually laughs at me because my motto was (keyword was) “one and done.” The funny part is we were fostering three children at one time for a little bit.

The doctor mentioned the hormone meds I would have to take and discussed the side effects of those. After the doctor’s visit my husband and I went home to decompress and process all the information. Prior to the last tests we took my doctor had me on metformin to help me ovulate. I tell you now that drug, to this day, I will call the devil drug. That medicine had me sick to stomach daily. They also had me on another medication (Clomid). I could only take Clomid for three months. Let’s just say I took it for two months and my husband begged me not to take it for the third month. I told my husband I didn’t feel like myself while I was on it, so we agreed for me not to take the third month.

After decompressing all the information, thinking long and hard about what our next plan of action was going to be and praying about it we decided that IFV was not for us. We started looking into private adoption. I researched, sent emails, and we eventually had a consultation with one of the best adoption attorneys in the state. We completed all of the paperwork, did the home study, started raising funds and saving like crazy, and started the waiting process.

During the time we were waiting on the private adoption list we went to an informational session in our town on foster care and adoption. During this session there were speakers that talked about their experience with foster care and talked about some of the children they fostered and some later adopted. While the speakers were talking there was a feeling that I honestly cannot describe. It was more like a calling. I felt something so deeply that I knew I had to talk to my husband about it.

Over the next couple of weeks we talked about foster care vs. private adoption and what we were both feeling at the time. Before that informational session I was completely against fostering. I mean how can you get attached to a child and then have the child leave your house to go back to their family. That is the purpose of fostering…reunification. That was actually my fear. I was afraid of loving these children so much and getting so attached that when the time came for them to leave it would be so heart wrenching. I have to say it was heart wrenching. Fostering is not for the weak of heart. I promise you will grow with your foster children if you journey into foster care.

We decided to follow what I felt was God’s plan for our future family. I’m just going to go on record and say that sometimes having faith and trusting God’s plan is not always easy. Believe me when I say you will be tested, but God provides what is necessary when you follow his plan and I promise you will grow from the experiences.

When we started the foster to adopt process we were excited, but nervous all at the same time. Our home received a license and within two weeks we had our first placement. We would have two more placements before our son and daughter would be placed with us. I will never tell you why our children were placed with us that is their story to tell, not mine, but one thing I do know is God’s timing is the right timing. We had these two sweet and completely opposite children for almost three years before we finally received an adoption date.

In that period of time we have been through a couple of counselors, battles with the school for additional help due to learning disabilities, numerous behavioral issues, ups and downs around visitation and talking through their experiences. However, through all of the tears and heartaches we have created so many sweet and wonderful memories with these two beautiful children.

Our daughter will start laughing for absolutely no reason. My son will make jokes and do some silly stuff just to make people laugh. Then in those sweet tender moments when they know my day hasn’t been so great they reciprocate what I have shown them. They give me a big hug and tell me they love me. My son will take my hand or arm and start lightly rubbing it and then whispers that he loves me. Even when we get into disagreements my son will come to me afterwards and say “Mom I know you yelled at me and I’m sorry for what I did, but I know you still love me.” I have also shown our son and daughter how my husband and I “secretly” tell each other how much we love the other. Try this with your husband or children. If you are holding their hand squeeze the other person’s hand 3 times for I love you, 4 times for I love you more, and 5 times for I love you big much. My son likes this sign of affection.

This day 1 year ago my husband, step-son, and I along with our two foster children and our support group were sitting in the court house for an adoption hearing. It was finally my foster babies adoption day! I cannot describe to you the feelings I had on that day. It all seemed surreal and I honestly could not believe it was finally happening. It was a day of tears of joy, laughter, and excitement. September 13th will always be a special day in our house. It’s the day God blessed us legally with our now son and daughter.

If you ask me what I am doing today I will tell you celebrating my babies and thanking God for my blessings. We had dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. We had a movie night and friends and family posted on Facebook how much they love our kids. After dinner I read these messages to the kids and showed them the pictures and videos.

To my kids Happy Gotcha Day! We will continue to celebrate everyday, but especially on 9/13 and as my son said this afternoon….I got you!

Does a Person Lie Just to Lie

September 12, 2023September 12, 2023 / Leaves, Loaves, and Life / Leave a comment

What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

Does a person lie just to lie? What do lies really mean? Is the person scared? Is the person just trying to get what she wants? Was she subjected to lies when she was little? Does she have a disorder?

When asked what personality trait in people raises a red flag with me my mind immediately goes to lying. I believe it is the fact that I am currently dealing with this in my life with other people. I decided to sit back and really think about this personality trait, why this trait bothers me so much, and why people lie.

I know I’m not the only person out there who has been lied to. When I’m lied to there’s an automatic lack of trust. Every time that person tells me something going forward I’m always going to second guess them. Lying also creates a sense of disloyalty. If a person lies to me about one thing what else are they going to lie to me about. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure everyone has told a lie even if it’s that little white lie. I know we all try not to lie, but honestly I think some people get caught up in the moment and sometimes it slips out. You might have lied and not even realized you did until later. If you’ve never lied then I want to shake your hand.

Now the big question…why do people lie? I know from experience with people I know that they may lie because of their past. She might have been raised in a family where lying was acceptable. Maybe she witnessed one parent lying to another parent multiple times. This is why parents need to be extremely careful what they subject their kids to.

Others may lie to get out of “trouble.” I find this reason and the one above to be the main reasons that children lie. Children the majority of the time lie out of fear. This may also be true for men or women who feel their life is endangered.

Let’s think about this. As a child you saw your mother verbally abuse your siblings and you saw your father physically abuse your mother. Your Dad was about to catch you in a lie, but you hurried to tell another lie because your Dad was about to tear your butt up as we say in the south. You experience many more instances similar to this. At this point lies are a part of your daily survival or maybe the daily survival of another family member.

Listen, I know this may be an extreme situation, but is it really? Think about it and let it sink in. When you were younger did you experience situations like this or did you know someone who experienced similar situations, but maybe not as extreme. If everyone of us experienced this or knew someone who did, then maybe this is not as an extreme of a scenario as we may think.

People who suffer from certain disorders may be prone to lie. Disorders such as personality disorders and as mentioned above situations that may have caused PTSD may lead a person to lie more often than not.

Now I’m not saying to take every lie as a grain of salt, because there are some people that lie to impress or lie to manipulate others. I’m also not saying that if a person lies to you over and over again that it’s okay, because it’s not. It’s also not okay for someone to constantly bring negativity into your life.

If a person has a disorder recognize it. Do not dismiss it. If you feel you can help that person, then help. If you feel the person needs more help than you can provide point that person in the right direction.

If lying is a personality trait that throws up a red flag for you, then recognize it and be more conscious about the steps and actions that you take towards that person and the situation. The next time you catch a person lying to you sit back and ask yourself why this person is lying to you. Is the person suffering from a disorder? Is something else going on with the person where maybe more attention and additional questions are needed. Is this person in danger?

Help where you can and show some grace where and when it is needed. Not everyone lies just to lie. Try to be the best version of you and try to help someone else be a better version of themselves.

Credits: Pictures provided by Pexels

An Ideal Home

September 5, 2023September 5, 2023 / Leaves, Loaves, and Life / 1 Comment

What does your ideal home look like?

If you had asked me about 7-10 years ago what my ideal home looks like I would have told you it’s a one story farmhouse with a wrap around porch on at least 10 acres of land. My kitchen would have navy blue lower cabinets with white uppers with frosted glass. I would have a nice size island with waterfall granite countertops. I would have double ovens, a large refrigerator/freezer, and a walk-in pantry. I would have a separate dining room for all my family and friends to gather. I would have large windows to let in a lot of natural light.

Outside I would have a wonderful garden of herbs and veggies along with fruit trees and blueberry bushes. Of course I can not forget about my farm animals…chickens, rabbits, cows, and a horse or two. And I must have my milking cow Bessie! I mean this is my ideal farmhouse. All of this sounds amazing, right?!

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If you had asked me about 5-7 years ago what my ideal home would look like I would have said it’s the home that my child is in. I was at a different stage in my life 5-7 years ago. My husband and I had gone through upset and disappointment after upset and disappointment. We had tried to have kids and well it just didn’t happen. So we set out on a different journey…adoption. Our journey of adoption lead us to our journey of fostering.

Today if you ask me what my ideal home is I will tell you it is the home where my family lives. Sure it doesn’t have all the bells and whistles and sure it’s not large and extravagant and I mean it’s not even a farmhouse for crying out loud! But this house, this is the house where memories were and are being made.

I am the 4th generation owner of this house. My husband and I have made several changes to the house and we continue to update and change things. One thing will never change though. This is the house we have made into a home. This is the house we accepted our first foster child in and the other 4 that would later come. This is the house we have laughed, loved, and cried in. This is the house we let strangers come in and basically tell us how we can run our house while we were fostering. We have gone through so many ups and downs in this house, but all of that has made this house our home.

This is also the home we have welcomed our adoptive son and daughter in with arms wide open. If you were to ask my kids what their ideal home would be they would probably tell you a big house filled with lots of toys and animals. They would also say a place where I am loved and cared for.

When you think of your ideal home instead of thinking about the materialistic things think about the love that is in your home or the love you can provide in your home. Think about your security and safety. Think about the place you know you can always go back to. Not all children or even all adults have this kind of home. There are so many people that go home to a house filled with violence and hurt. They may go home to a house that isn’t clean and comfortable. They may go home to a house with no food or to a house with parents who put other things above their kids. Some people may go home to an empty house.

I challenge you to build your ideal home out of love and memories and create a sense of belonging for all family members in your family. Make your home a safe place and a place your family can go to in time of need.

You have the power to build your ideal home inside and out with love, character, and of course materials.

Happy building!