Life

Does a Person Lie Just to Lie

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What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

Does a person lie just to lie? What do lies really mean? Is the person scared? Is the person just trying to get what she wants? Was she subjected to lies when she was little? Does she have a disorder?

When asked what personality trait in people raises a red flag with me my mind immediately goes to lying. I believe it is the fact that I am currently dealing with this in my life with other people. I decided to sit back and really think about this personality trait, why this trait bothers me so much, and why people lie.

I know I’m not the only person out there who has been lied to. When I’m lied to there’s an automatic lack of trust. Every time that person tells me something going forward I’m always going to second guess them. Lying also creates a sense of disloyalty. If a person lies to me about one thing what else are they going to lie to me about. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure everyone has told a lie even if it’s that little white lie. I know we all try not to lie, but honestly I think some people get caught up in the moment and sometimes it slips out. You might have lied and not even realized you did until later. If you’ve never lied then I want to shake your hand.

Now the big question…why do people lie? I know from experience with people I know that they may lie because of their past. She might have been raised in a family where lying was acceptable. Maybe she witnessed one parent lying to another parent multiple times. This is why parents need to be extremely careful what they subject their kids to.

Others may lie to get out of “trouble.” I find this reason and the one above to be the main reasons that children lie. Children the majority of the time lie out of fear. This may also be true for men or women who feel their life is endangered.

Let’s think about this. As a child you saw your mother verbally abuse your siblings and you saw your father physically abuse your mother. Your Dad was about to catch you in a lie, but you hurried to tell another lie because your Dad was about to tear your butt up as we say in the south. You experience many more instances similar to this. At this point lies are a part of your daily survival or maybe the daily survival of another family member.

Listen, I know this may be an extreme situation, but is it really? Think about it and let it sink in. When you were younger did you experience situations like this or did you know someone who experienced similar situations, but maybe not as extreme. If everyone of us experienced this or knew someone who did, then maybe this is not as an extreme of a scenario as we may think.

People who suffer from certain disorders may be prone to lie. Disorders such as personality disorders and as mentioned above situations that may have caused PTSD may lead a person to lie more often than not.

Now I’m not saying to take every lie as a grain of salt, because there are some people that lie to impress or lie to manipulate others. I’m also not saying that if a person lies to you over and over again that it’s okay, because it’s not. It’s also not okay for someone to constantly bring negativity into your life.

If a person has a disorder recognize it. Do not dismiss it. If you feel you can help that person, then help. If you feel the person needs more help than you can provide point that person in the right direction.

If lying is a personality trait that throws up a red flag for you, then recognize it and be more conscious about the steps and actions that you take towards that person and the situation. The next time you catch a person lying to you sit back and ask yourself why this person is lying to you. Is the person suffering from a disorder? Is something else going on with the person where maybe more attention and additional questions are needed. Is this person in danger?

Help where you can and show some grace where and when it is needed. Not everyone lies just to lie. Try to be the best version of you and try to help someone else be a better version of themselves.

Credits: Pictures provided by Pexels

An Ideal Home

/ Leaves, Loaves, and Life / 1 Comment

What does your ideal home look like?

If you had asked me about 7-10 years ago what my ideal home looks like I would have told you it’s a one story farmhouse with a wrap around porch on at least 10 acres of land. My kitchen would have navy blue lower cabinets with white uppers with frosted glass. I would have a nice size island with waterfall granite countertops. I would have double ovens, a large refrigerator/freezer, and a walk-in pantry. I would have a separate dining room for all my family and friends to gather. I would have large windows to let in a lot of natural light.

Outside I would have a wonderful garden of herbs and veggies along with fruit trees and blueberry bushes. Of course I can not forget about my farm animals…chickens, rabbits, cows, and a horse or two. And I must have my milking cow Bessie! I mean this is my ideal farmhouse. All of this sounds amazing, right?!

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If you had asked me about 5-7 years ago what my ideal home would look like I would have said it’s the home that my child is in. I was at a different stage in my life 5-7 years ago. My husband and I had gone through upset and disappointment after upset and disappointment. We had tried to have kids and well it just didn’t happen. So we set out on a different journey…adoption. Our journey of adoption lead us to our journey of fostering.

Today if you ask me what my ideal home is I will tell you it is the home where my family lives. Sure it doesn’t have all the bells and whistles and sure it’s not large and extravagant and I mean it’s not even a farmhouse for crying out loud! But this house, this is the house where memories were and are being made.

I am the 4th generation owner of this house. My husband and I have made several changes to the house and we continue to update and change things. One thing will never change though. This is the house we have made into a home. This is the house we accepted our first foster child in and the other 4 that would later come. This is the house we have laughed, loved, and cried in. This is the house we let strangers come in and basically tell us how we can run our house while we were fostering. We have gone through so many ups and downs in this house, but all of that has made this house our home.

This is also the home we have welcomed our adoptive son and daughter in with arms wide open. If you were to ask my kids what their ideal home would be they would probably tell you a big house filled with lots of toys and animals. They would also say a place where I am loved and cared for.

When you think of your ideal home instead of thinking about the materialistic things think about the love that is in your home or the love you can provide in your home. Think about your security and safety. Think about the place you know you can always go back to. Not all children or even all adults have this kind of home. There are so many people that go home to a house filled with violence and hurt. They may go home to a house that isn’t clean and comfortable. They may go home to a house with no food or to a house with parents who put other things above their kids. Some people may go home to an empty house.

I challenge you to build your ideal home out of love and memories and create a sense of belonging for all family members in your family. Make your home a safe place and a place your family can go to in time of need.

You have the power to build your ideal home inside and out with love, character, and of course materials.

Happy building!

Credits: Pictures provided by Pexels

Quality Time

/ Leaves, Loaves, and Life / 2 Comments

After a long grueling week of work my husband and I decided to take a day trip this past Saturday.  It was spur of the moment, but was an awesome trip.  Every couple needs some quality time together and this was our time.  We decided we were going to North Carolina and wanted to go to the mountains, just wasn’t sure where.  We settled on Black Mountain, North Carolina.  It’s a quaint little town with several shops.  We decided to stop at the visitor’s center to see what trails were around there.  The guy working led us to Old Fort, NC where we hiked Catawba Falls Trail.

This trail was off the beaten path.  We had to take a side road down to the end of another road.  If the guy at the visitor’s center had not told us about it, we never would have known about it.  When we first walked up to the information area there were warning signs of bears and what to do.  Oh my!  Bears!  This could be good!  The signs mentioned walking in groups and if we saw claw marks or even spotted a bear we needed to start singing and making noise.  I really wanted to see a bear….well from a distance of course.

With that notice we started on our hike.  The hike did not start out well.  Let’s just say there were some rude people, a tense husband and wife, and some air that needed to be cleared between my husband and me.  After that, we were good to go.  The hike became very enjoyable and was exactly what the doctor ordered.  When I am out in nature it is so easy to see all of God’s beautiful creations.  I started snapping pictures of trees, leaves, rocks, and what we think was a tiny cave on the other side of the water.

After recalling the end to an enjoyable day I could not help but think there are so many times when we let our agenda cloud our ability to see things for what they are and see the beauty in it.  I personally have been at my wits end with my day job which is somehow turning into a day and night job.  Last week I only posted two blog posts because I was working late at night almost every day.  As much as I want my blog to take off, I still have to help provide for my family; however, this doesn’t mean I do not deserve a little play time too.

To be honest I have taken the entire weekend off from my day job.  I brought a stack of work home measuring about 8 inches high.  I haven’t even touched it yet on this Labor Day weekend.  I can honestly say I have enjoyed every minute of this weekend with my family.  Spending quality time with my husband is exactly what he and I needed to keep us going.  We have both been working crazy hours and with that comes exhaustion and stress and well…you know what that can cause!

Before my husband and I got married we loved to go hiking.  We hiked up until about two years after we got married from there life took over and we let everything else consume us.  With the adoption, my approach was we can’t spend any extra money which meant traveling was out.  Wrong!!!  We just needed to get back to the basics.  Moving forward my husband and I have decided that at least once a month or every two months we would take a day trip somewhere and just spend time together.  Making memories is what it’s about, not spending money or trying to work ourselves to death.  There comes a point when we have to step back and realize God gave us this life for a reason.  We can let work and everything else consume us or we can step back once in a while and let God open our eyes and be awed at His beauty and what he has created.  We all need that breathe of fresh air to help us realign our focus and priorities.

What gives you that breathe of fresh air?

In my next article find out what else my husband and I got into while we enjoyed our quality time together in the mountains of North Carolina.

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Until next time!

Don’t Lose Your Joy

/ Leaves, Loaves, and Life / 1 Comment

Don't Lose Your Joy-Photo 2In church today the message was about being happy in the place you are in.  I feel more people need to hear this.  I know I needed to hear this.  Too many times we let things get to us and we make mountains out of mole hills.  The scripture referenced was Philippians 1:18.  The message hit home because of the struggles I have gone through especially with infertility.

It is so easy to be happy when things are going in our favor.  We sing happy songs, we whittle, and we smile big.  I personally whistle when things are going well.

What happens when things do not go as planned?  Do I have you thinking now?  Think back to the last time something did not go as planned or maybe someone hurt you…yeah now you’re thinking.  How did you react in that situation?  Could people still see your joy or could they see your bitterness?  This is where many of us will do that hard swallow where you know I’m talking about you.  That’s what I did in church today.  It’s not easy to be joyful in times where we seem to be down on our luck.

I have two life events that I thought of during the message.  In one event I was done wrong and some people really close to me hurt me.  The other event is my battle with infertility.

In the first event where I was hurt by two people close to me I will tell you it is not easy to deal with a situation like this.  I will be honest in saying that I let bitterness overtake this situation recently.  As most of us have heard “two wrongs don’t make a right.”  We have to stop letting bitterness take over our emotions and situations.  When we let bitterness in we let numerous other things in like hatred or the feeling of revenge.  If I let the bitterness stay in this situation nothing will get accomplished and it will probably drive a wedge between myself and the others involved.  Going forward I need to bring joy back into this situation.

The other event is my battle with infertility.  My husband and I have been fighting this for a while.  Let me tell you infertility is more serious than some people make it out to be.  Infertility can mess with your mind, emotions, and it’s already messing with your body.  When I first started going through all of the infertility stuff I felt horrible, miserable, and less of a woman.  There were times where it did affect my marriage because of my emotions.  I was in the valley and in a rough part of my life; however, I turned to God.  Thankfully, I have a husband who is supportive, talks me through things, and helps to keep me grounded.  He also showed me a great deal of compassion during this time.  There have been moments during my infertility journey where again I let bitterness in.  Let me tell you one of the most painless things is when you and your husband have been trying for several years to get pregnant and someone very close to you tells you they are pregnant.  I didn’t know what to do accept to cry.  It’s a feeling I cannot begin to describe.  The best way I can put it is as we say in the country you feel like someone sucker punched you.  It takes the breath and words right out of you.  I did overcome this and actually became very excited for them.

During this infertility obstacle my husband and I have had many ups and downs, but through it all I would like to think that we kept our heads held high and we’ve learned how to bring the joy back into our situation and we continue to look towards God.  We’ve left the bitterness out to dry.  We are finding our joy through adoption.  As we continue through our adoption process we will continue to sing and have joy with each obstacle that we face along the way.  We know God puts us in places to build our faith.

Don’t let bitterness in.  Keep your joy like Paul did in Philippians 1:18.  No matter how many mountains we face God gives us the courage and strength to climb them.  When people can see your joy in the tough times it becomes a testimony for Christ.  We have to realize that some of our biggest obstacles can bring one of our greatest blessings.  Speaking from experience I can tell you that one of mine and my husband’s biggest obstacles of infertility will produce one of our biggest blessings…a new member to our family through adoption.

Keep your joy no matter what comes your way and keep singing your song because no one can sign your song better than you can.

Credits:

Picture from Pixabay.com